Insanity of the Gaming Universe!
by cooldude01
Summary: It's a crossover, even more so than usual. It's mostly Metal Gear, with a lot of other series involved... like Star Fox & Dead Space... & a few others. Rated M for a reason. Violence, swearing, a lot of fighting & horrific scenes. Read at your own risk.
1. Episodes 1, 2 & 3

_A/U This series will be a crossover of all the games I have played; this is a humor/general kind of thing (assuming if no one has even taken a look at the description). This will be rated M for a reason. A LOT of freaking humor that isn't for the kids. Viewer discretion is advised._

___Remember, I only made this story up, & I never said anything about me owning any of the series in this story. EVER. As a matter of fact, as cool as the series of what I am writing about are, I do not wish to own them. Thank you._

_Episode 01: Raiden & Emma_

Raiden had just found Emma Emmerich in the locker room (after beating the living CRAP out of Vamp with a combination of the Grenade Launcher & AK-47), pissing herself just like Otacon did when he was found by Gray Fox (or Frank Jaeger if you will).

Raiden: ROFL!

Emma: SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU FRUITY ASS MONKEY!

Raiden: At least I don't piss my pants. ^_^

Emma: -_-+ don't make me make a virus that will mess your vital organs the hell up.

Raiden: You sadistic maniac!

As they argued, the flooding in the locker room got worse; water spilled in from the walls.

Raiden: _**O_o**_ RUN!

Emma: I am a little afraid of water because I nearly drowned with my father & my brother was in his room looking up perverted comics!

Raiden: "Cricket noise occurs as Raiden stares at Emma" lets just go.

Emma: But...!

Raiden drags her from the room & pushes Emma into the water. Emma got back out & yelled rather loudly at him.

Raiden: Damn it, Do you want me to save you or not?!?

Emma: Keep your hands to yourself!

Raiden: (_Oh my Christ... I'm so glad this is only temporary..._)

Emma: Just Let me get ready. I want to take my glasses off.

Putting her glasses away, she held onto Raiden's neck.

Raiden: What the...?!? You want to choke me while I'm swimming?!?!? GO TO HELL!

Emma: Shut up, woman!

Raiden: I'm a guy, you retarded ass hat. Jesus H. Christ, even the President HIMSELF mistook me for a girl.

Raiden, with Emma still on his back, swam through the waters, passing the corpse of Peter Stillman. He made it to the other side.

Emma: I WANNA KILL MY BROTHER, & SEE HIM SUFFER!!!! I WANNA SEE HIM BE RAPED LIKE CRAZY!!!

"Cricket noises occur as Raiden stares at diabolical scientist"

Raiden: You're a sadist.

Emma: You don't understand my pain...

Raiden: Oh shut up, you damn emo.

Raiden took Emma by the arm & went to the next area past the strange liquid Vamp talked about "being that if you come down, you don't come back up" bullcrap.

Raiden got a call from the Colonel, & asked for a report of things.

Raiden: I got Emma here.... We've managed to avoid drowning!

Colonel: No s***, Sherlock Holmes.

Raiden: At least I'm not a demented scientist who seems to have a strange fetish for seeing people suffer...

Colonel: Um.... uh, Raiden, my sympathies... 0_0

_Episode 02: Star Fox WTF?_

Fox: All aircraft report!

Slippy: I'm fine! I'm fine!

Peppy: Everything's A-OK!

Falco: I'm fine. You ok over there, Fox?

Fox: All aircraft break ---

Rob 64: Enemy approaching from the left.

Fox: Huh? F***!

Wolf: Can't let you do that, Star Fox!

Leon: Andross has ordered us to take you down...

Pigma: You can't beat me!

Andrew: I'm not afraid of you!

Falco: F***! Here they come!

Slippy: Ahh! I'm hit!

Peppy: Good!

Pigma: I'll do you fast, Peppy old pal.

"A record skip noise could be heard when Pigma said that"

Wolf: WTF?

Peppy: What's the big idea!?

Leon: Annoying bird! I am the great Leon!

Falco: No!!

Andrew: Give it up! You can't win!

Slippy: Fox!!

Fox: Slippy! Is everything OK?

Slippy: I'm fine! I'm---

Andrew: Stick to the pond, froggy!

Slippy: Aaahhhhh!

Andrew blasts the CRAP out of Slippy's ship, forcing Slippy to retreat.

Pigma: I've got two words for you; lo-ser.

Falco: That's it! Time to show the monkeys who's boss!

Andrew: O_O F***!

Leon: Not yet. The party's just begun!

_Episode 03: Humorspace..._

Isaac was running around the Ishimura, the ship, trying to stay alive.

Isaac: _"Man... this s*** is wack.... I'm getting jumped by Randy, the giant monster that I had to shoot in the back of the legs, & STOMP, mind everyone. Then I gotta deal with baby morphs that shoot s*** at me, then I gotta do stuff for that wack ass captain... man. S*** is not good. Worse, these guys just be mad... them damn necromorphs just be creeping on you, & when they see you, they get all happy, like "WHAT'S GOOD?!?" & then they wanna hug you, & NOT in the good way. Watch. Here comes one now. He just be like "My life has no meaning" & what not."_

A Necromorph appears out of nowhere just hunched, then sprints with life after Isaac, & before he could clamp the man with its jagged arms, he cocked the gun & blasted its knee caps.

Isaac: GET SOME!!! You got MOLESTED.

Out of nowhere, a beast that seems to move just by hopping with its arms, showed up, scaring the CRAP out of Isaac.

Isaac: OH MY GOD, IT'S RICK JAMES!!! F***.... Aaahhhhh!!! OH MY GOD... outta bullets... reload.... go....! ah, s***!

Isaac struggles with the flying flesh heap, running from one part of the arena to the next, shooting it like crazy with the Plasma pistol. After several shots to the arm, the monster finally dies.

Isaac: Ahhh yeah, you got owned, B****! Uhhgh. Yeah, who's your daddy? Don't you ever scare me like that again... I know there's more than one... Yodele yee hoo.... Marco? That's right, there better be no Polo....

Isaac travels down the area, finding a necromorph posing as a dead body. Isaac aims his pistol at the monster's arms.

Isaac: TCH! I remember you. Man! Get your sleepin' ass up. Man... you ain't slick.

He, Isaac, starts blasting the limbs of the necromorph away with the plasma pistol. The beast tries to get back up, but dies after Isaac blasts both of its arms off.

Isaac: You deserve no kudos for that, man. You deserve a DICKHEAD award... B****! Give me your crap. That tasty lookin' health pack.

Isaac goes to the place the Mission Objective tracker guides him too. Readying his pistol, he takes a step out...

Isaac: Marco?

Isaac knew he had it right... he spotted another necromorph near the left part of the bridge.

Isaac: Oh S***! Polo, B****! POLO! GET OUTTA HERE! FREAKING DIE!!! Polo, monkey! MOTHA F*****!

Isaac blasted the crap out of the monster's limbs & moved even further to the elevator...

_That's that for now. I hope you enjoyed this random segment of mine. Remember, I only made this story up, & I never said anything about me owning any of the series involved in this story. EVER. As a matter of fact, as cool as the series are in this segment, I do not wish to own them. Thank you._

_Part 2 will be on its way, very shortly._

_The cool dude is out._


	2. Episodes 4, 5 & 6

_The 2__nd__ chapter of this crossover story; enjoy. This is the part where I also throw in another series._

_Episode 04: Metal Gear Johnny: Crap Eater_

Johnny was out on patrol, keeping an eye out for enemy units, when he came across a turd.

Johnny: HQ. Come in!

HQ: This is HQ.

Johnny: Patrol here. We have evidence of an enemy in the area.

HQ: How so?

Johnny: There's a big pile of crap over here.

HQ: And you're sure it's a human's? After all, you ARE in the jungle.

Johnny: Yeah I'm pretty sure..

HQ: How can you be so sure?

Johnny: Because it tasted like human's.

HQ: _**WHAT?!?**_

Johnny: Because.... it tasted.... like.... human's....?

HQ: You... tasted... a pile of.... crap....?

Johnny: Yeah.

HQ: And.... what's wrong with your rations?

Johnny: They taste horrible! I'd choose this over those damn rations!

HQ: But we have other things, like those Ramen packets & Calorie mates!

Johnny: Yeah, but then someone takes the last few!

HQ: "Ends Codec call"

Johnny: HQ? What about the evidence? HQ?!?

Naked Snake: FREEZE! "Aims at the back of Johnny's head with the Mk22 Hush Puppy Tranq."

Johnny: Aaahhhhh! "Gets tranquilized & falls into the pile of crap"

_Episode 05: Star Fox WTF? Part 2_

Peppy: F***! Doggone it!

Falco: Time for a little payback!

Fox: Say your prayers ----

Wolf: You're in my sights! You're going down!!

Falco: Fox! Look behind you! I'll cover you, Fox!

Fox: .... What....?!?

Out of nowhere, Slippy shows up with his Arwing fully repaired.

Wolf: No way! I don't believe it! "Wolf's ship is shot to Hell"

Slippy: Yippee! You did it!

Peppy, Fox, & Falco: O_o

Peppy: Are you kidding me?!?

Fox: I am not kidding.

Andrew: Aaahhhhh!!

Slippy: Your carcass is mine! "Shoots Andrew's ship to Oblivion" Take that!

Fox: Slippy! You're Ok!

Pigma: Come on, little man! Shoot me!

Peppy: OK!

Pigma: F***! "Ship is destroyed, along with Pigma"

Falco: Yeah! Just one more!

Leon: O_O I am the great Leon!

Leon turns his ship around, & runs, escaping the Star Fox team.

Slippy: What's going on? He's F***ing running away!

Peppy: Well, at least we can take this boss out.

A few hours later....

Slippy: YES! You did it!!

Falco: That's our leader!

Fox: When we get back, we'll head to Venom.

Peppy: "Does a Barrel Roll several times" Do A Barrel Roll! Do A Barrel Roll! Do A Barrel Roll! Do A Barrel Roll!

Fox, Falco, & Slippy: O_o

Falco: WTF?

_Episode 06: KOF Maximum RAPE Impact_

Mignon was out fighting with Alba, saying that "She was indeed a lady", although in Alba's eyes, she was _far _from a lady.

Mignon: Mignon has _had _it! She'll will show you! "takes out a cursed book of spells & flips through the pages" this book Mignon took from Ninon ill put you in your place! "Casts spell"

Alba: Right... & just....?!? "weakens physically to the point where he can barely carry himself"

Mignon: Oops! Wrong spell. I meant to turn you into a cat.

Alba: This is very... serious! Give me back my power, you stupid B****!

Mignon thinks for a moment, then closes the book.

Mignon: You know what? Come with me. ^_^ ( You have no Idea what Mignon is about to do to you, sweet Alba....)

_At Mignon's house, her room specifically..._

Mignon: Mignon will be back. She needs special stuff to do the work.

Alba: O-Okay... "groans in pain & sits on the floor"

_20 minutes later...._

Mignon shows up in a cat suit, with an evil smirk on her face.

Alba: What are you up to?!?

Mignon: **IT'S RAPING TIME!!!!** "Leaps after Alba"

Alba: NO!!!!!

_**URGENT A/U: This is the part where I censor everything. This is not AFF. Net. I'm not posting rape scenes. Long story short, Alba was beaten to a pulp & roasted by Mignon's fire balls, sadistically raped, & put in a ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for 9 months.**_

_Sometime later..._

Alba was still in the hospital, still scarred for life after Mignon's crazy ass attack, still scared. Rock & Soirée were also there, rather amazed.

Rock: Wow... I guess Mignon actually _can _do some damage...

Soirée: You know, you shouldn't piss off the wrong person...

Alba: "mocking" You know, you shouldn't piss off the wrong person.

Soirée: -_-+ "Punches Alba in the face"

Cries of agony could be heard for miles around South Town.

Rock: Ouch.

"Ninon teleports in."

Rock: About time you showed up, Ninon. Look at what Mignon did to Alba.

Ninon: -_-" I know. We live in the same house. I heard Alba's cries of pain.

Soirée & Alba: You what?!? Why didn't you even do something? What could've possible kept you busy?

Ninon: I was dressing up in a cute Gothic Lolita outfit that was black & white.

"Cricket noises occur; all three stare at Ninon like she's selfish"

Soirée: .... Ninon.... yo... you're F***ing horrible.

Rock: I know you can be a prick, but I think this took the cake this time.

Soirée & Rock left the hospital, both a bit awe-struck by Ninon's little fetish for wearing Lolita dresses.

_That's it for now. I hope you enjoyed this random segment of mine. Part 3 will be on its way, very shortly._

_**Just to make sure I get through to readers, I do NOT own ANY of the series mentioned in this story of mine. It's for parody purposes only & I did it to entertain others. I do not claim this as my own; they are copyright of their respective owners. Period.**_

_The cool dude is out._


	3. Episodes 7, 8 & 9

_This is the 3rd chapter to this insane story. Enjoy._

_Episode 07: World of the Chaotic game, Diablo_

Buff the Warrior: I'm buff!!! I got this here bastard sword & I aim to hack a noob! "Goes into the labyrinth"

Buff the Warrior: I am gonna pwn you, SORC! I'm lvl 15 & you a nooblet lvl 1!!!

Chaos the Sorcerer: ..... -_-+ "Casts Fireball, killing the warrior instantly" What was that? I could've sworn you were gonna pwn me or something.

Buff the Warrior: "Revives himself & comes back to the labyrinth" You gonna die!

Chaos the Sorcerer: "Casts a hacked version of Apocalypse, destroying the game, & knocking about the entire Server offline"

Chaos the Sorcerer: Probably not a wise idea to talk smack when you're utterly at my mercy.

_Episode 08: Is Emma really weak?_

Raiden: Hey Emma?

Emma: What?

Raiden: "Takes out a Stinger Missile Launcher & blows Emma the HELL away"

5 minutes later, after the whole "Mission failed" sequence...

Emma: Aahh!

Raiden chases down Emma with the Grenade launcher & blows her up.

Raiden: Take that, you sadistic maniac.

_**Mission Failed**_

Emma: Keep your hands to yourself!

Raiden: "takes out a sword"

Emma: Oh S***!

_**Mission Failed**_

Emma: -_-+

Raiden: "uses the tranquilizer gun on Emma"

Emma: Z z z z z z z z.....

Raiden: "Picks up Emma & throws her into the water in the water chamber Vamp was in at Shell Two.

_**Mission Failed**_

_At Shell 2 B1..._

Emma: "Runs from Raiden"

Raiden: "Takes a Nikita Missile launcher & shoots a missile after Emma"

Emma: "hides in the ventilation shafts & crawls through to a dark room"

Raiden: "Controls the missile, forcing it into the ventilation shafts, finds Emma, & Blows her into the dark pit in the room.

_**Mission Failed**_

Emma: _**ENOUGH!!!!!!!!**_ " takes a RPG-7 & rapes Raiden with a blast from Hell"

Raiden: AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Back off!!

Emma: "Forces Raiden onto the floor & aims directly at Raiden's Forehead" You wanna get back to business, or do you wanna play "my game".... _B****?!?_

Raiden: Lets get back to the mission....

Emma: You know what? I got a better idea.... "Swaps the RPG-7 for a knife, & forces Raiden to where he can't move at all. Sitting on his chest with his arms tied, Emma wrapped her legs around his body & prepared to gouge Raiden's eyes out"

Raiden: NO!!!!!!!

_**Mission Failed**_

_Episode 09: Sonic the Rape Victim & Amy Rose the sadistic lover_

Sonic: "Running like all hell from Amy Rose"

Amy: You won't escape me!!

Sonic: Go to hell!!

Sonic has been running for about 3 days straight, having refused Amy's proposal for marriage.... AGAIN.... for the 15000000TH TIME.... & is now trying to avoid Amy. Sadly, Amy Rose is a persistent maniac.

Amy: You're mine. You & I are going to make SWEET LOVE!

Sonic: Oh HELL no! " Manages to escape to his house. Making sure it's safe, he locks all the doors, boards the windows up, & hides in the basement"

Amy: "Sneaks up on Sonic, Solid Snake-like, & knocks the crap out of him"

Sonic: Whoa!

Amy: "forces him into a choke hold, equipping a handkerchief soaked with an anesthetic & forcing it into Sonic's nose"

Sonic: Stop.... A-Amy.... "falls unconscious"

_12 hours later..._

Sonic was asleep in his bed, rather.... torn up badly, what with several bruises all over him.

Amy: That was fun.... have a nice sleep, Dear Sonic.... "puts clothes back on"

_That's it for now. I hope you enjoyed this random segment of mine. Part 4 will be on its way, very shortly._

_**Just to make sure I get through to readers, I do NOT own ANY of the series mentioned in this story of mine. It's for parody purposes only & I did it to entertain others. I do not claim this as my own; they are copyright of their respective owners. Period.**_

_The cool dude is out._


	4. Episodes 10, 11 & 12

_This is the 4th Chapter of this insane series. Enjoy...._

_Episode 10; Metal Gear Raiden: Dirty mags._

Deep in the core of Shell 1, Raiden found some magazines... dirty ones at that. Raiden was rather reluctant to take them, but before he could even THINK about what to do next, Snake gave him a call on the Codec.

Snake: Raiden! What have you got there?

Raiden: Um.... nothing.

Snake: Oh, come on. That kind of thinking can even be helpful on the battlefield.

Raiden: ...b-but...!

Snake: Look.... aside from its.... "Educational" value, you can probably use it to distract an enemy.

Raiden: ...... I....I....I g-guess...??? But what do I say when people see ME with this?

Snake: Just say "I'm educating myself with this for Sex ed class".

Raiden: .......... _(Most likely, if I tell Rose this, she's gonna take my sword & shank me)_

An hour later....

Raiden had planted a dirty book near the 2nd filteration chamber where he battled Vamp.

Raiden: Heh heh. I maimed that maniac.

As if on que, Vamp showed up out of the water & readied his knives.

Vamp: What's GOOD, motha f***er?!?

Raiden: O_o _(Oh my god! Not again!)_ I'm GONE!!!

Raiden ran from him, trying to get his RGB (Grenade launcher) out. When he turned around, he saw Vamp looking at the magazine.

Raiden: _(.... What the....)_

Vamp: ooh.... what a cute woman....

Raiden put away the RGB & took the sniper rifle out. Aiming for the head, he capped Vamp again, for about the THIRD TIME. After that, Raiden ran.

Raiden: _(__Well, this earned __**me**__ bragging rights.)_

_Episode 11; Star Fox WTF? Part 3_

_On the planet Katina, near the defense post._

Fox: I see 'em up ahead! Lets rock & roll!

Slippy, Peppy & Falco move ahead in different directions. Fox then moves forward. Leon shows up behind the group

Leon: I think I'll torture you for a while!

Falco: Ah, s***!

Slippy: You'll be sorry, punks!

Rob 64 (in the Great Fox): Life indicated at 12 o clock.

Peppy: Be careful, it might be a trap!

Slippy: Enemy ahead! This one's f***ed up! O_O

Falco: O_o Jeez leweez! What is THAT?!?

Andrew, Pigma, & Wolf show up together combined as a three headed beast, scaring the CRAP out of the group. Leon was right by the combined three in the Wolfen.

Andrew: Bow before us!

Pigma: I'm gonna bust you up REAL good!

Fox: Just what I need to see. -_-;;

Fox stared at Wolf, as Falco stared at Leon. Everyone just stared at the Star Wolf team, as did they, with an ominous glare. Andross stared at them, wearing a purple hat while smoking a cigar.

Peppy: Be careful! It's a trap!

Fox: -_-;;; So, Star Wolf! You show your true form. O_o

Andrew: You'll be sorry you f***ed with us!

Leon: Andross has ordered us to take you down.

Wolf: You'll be be seeing your dad so--

Peppy: Do a Barrel Roll!

Wolf: WTF?

Peppy: To Barrel Roll, press Z or R twice! Try a somersault. Try hovering. Try a U-turn! Use bombs wisely! Use the boost to get through! Use the brakes!

Everyone stared at Peppy; it was apparent that Peppy forgot to take his medicine. O_o

Peppy: Brace yourselves! Aim for the open spot. You're becoming a better pilot. Watch where you're flying! Don't mess up that Arwing! Don't let any of them through! You're becoming more like your father.

Fox: -_-+

Peppy: Where is the secret weapon? You're father helped me like that too! Don't fly too low; your ship can't take it! Never give up, trust your instincts! Stay alert! This brings back memories of your dad.

Cricket noises are heard at everyone stares at Peppy.

Peppy: I'm not too crazy..... Do a Barrel Roll!

Slippy: Aaahhhhh!!

Peppy: Barrel Roll!

Slippy: I can't take it anymore!

Everyone uses a smart bomb on Peppy in unison, or at the same time, if you will.

_All time stops, & then a few seconds later, the author shows up out of nowhere, as did General Pepper._

Author: If you thought that was the end... You're a freakin' retard!

General Pepper: What?!?

Author: This was the ending in an Alternate Universe. And guess what?!?

General Pepper: ...........???

Author: We ain't in an Alternate Universe!

General Pepper: ?!?O_o?!?

Author: Now.... where were we...?

_Back at the battle between Star Fox & Star Wolf ...._

Peppy: Don't fly too low; your ship can't take it! Never give up, trust your instincts! Stay alert! This brings back memories of your dad.

Fox: What's he saying?

Falco: He's crazy.

Fox: I'll take care of Star Wolf.

Slippy: Fire a homing torpedo!

Fox: Say your prayers!!

With that, Fox blew them the _frick_ up with a Smart Bomb while locked on them.

Wolf: I....Can't....lose....!!

Leon: He's too strong!

Pigma: My beautiful reward!! Aaaarrrrrrgghhh!!!!!

Andrew: Uncle Andross!!!!

Peppy: I'm sure they've learned their lessons. BARREL ROLL!!!!

Sometime later after their mission with god knows what...

Slippy: Hey, we made it!

Falco: You are SO F***ing lucky, Fox.

Peppy: I see your father in you, Fox.

Fox: Hold on! We're entering Venom Airspace.

_All four of them entered the wasteland known as Venom, aiming to maim Andross._

_Episode 12; Legend of Zelda; mah boi gets old_

The King: Mah boi. Mah boi. Mah boi.

Link: _(Oh, for the love of Nayru, someone shut him up)_

The King: Mah boi. Mah boi. Mah boi.

Zelda: _(Where's Ganon when you need him?)_

Out of nowhere, Bowser shows up.

Bowser: RAWGH!!!

Zelda: _(I guess he will do -_-)_

Link: Hey, Bowser? That guy made something up about you & your weight.

Bowser: WHAT?!? You must die!!

Link: Oh, my god. Enough with the weak, lame lines.

Zelda: No kidding.

The King: What about you, mah boi, with your "Well, EXCUUUUUUSE ME, Princess!" thing?

Link: Well, EXCUUUUUUSE ME, King.

Out of nowhere, The Devil hand called Azel shows up out of nowhere.

Azel: Behold the power of a god!

In five seconds, EVERY DAMN PERSON Drops from being beaten to a bloody pulp.

Azel: _(Hopefully, no one will have to deal with these crappy characters & their gay ass lines.)_

The King, still alive, gets up & starts going "Mah boi" again for about the BILLIONTH TIME, only for Azel to unleash the Devil Hand on The King, putting a gruesome end to The King & his lame ass line once & for all. Just FIVE DAMN seconds later, Ganon shows up, looking rather pissed.

Ganon: You DARE take MY VICTIMS?!? YOU MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!

Azel: -_-+ _( You son of a B****!!!!)_

Azel, still in Devil Hand form, unleashes hell on Ganon, putting a end to his equally gay lines.

_That's the end of this crazy ass chapter. Part 5 will be on its way._

_**I said it once, & I'll say it again. I do not own anything even MENTIONED in this little random story of mine. The games, stories, & characters are copyright of their respective owners. Whoever says "I'm going right off the fringe with copyright issues", prove it.**_

_The Cool dude is out._


End file.
